Tuesday, December 15, 2015


It was an irreconcilable difference between us - he couldn't be with me without making a commitment and I couldn't be with him if we made one.

I have spent my entire life pursuing unavailable men, a not so subtle outcome of being abandoned by my father.  My mother used to tell me a story about my father carrying me on a pillow saying that I was more precious than gold, and then he left us.  That sends a very mixed message to a young girl growing up without a man to love and protect her.

I never dated older men and always avoided the stereotypical father figure, until I met him.  He was only a few years older but was the most dedicated father and family man I had ever known.  A kind and honest man, who made me feel very cherished and nurtured when we were together. I suppose that is part of what kept me locked in my romantic daydream for so long.

We both needed something when we first met and that was all there should have been.  But for me, this was far more, it was my chance to have something I had missed all of those years.

As sad as it is to say goodbye, I know it is the right thing for both of us.  It would have been fantastic for a while but if it didn't work out it would have destroyed us both.  Now we can go our separate ways and always remember that precious time we had together with no promises. 

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