Monday, March 20, 2023

Baking Bread and Setting Boundaries

I was grateful to be in the process of making bread when I received her text message.  She wanted to talk.  What about?  I had no idea, and after a year of not speaking, I felt sick to my stomach even thinking about it.

Kneading the dough, squishing, and pounding helped to relieve a little of the anxiety I was feeling about even hearing her voice.
 
Our last conversation had disintegrated into a full nuclear meltdown.  Full of so much ugliness and rage that I had no desire to speak to her and honestly did not know when I would.

She is my 50-year-old daughter, born when I was just 15 years old.  The amount of pain and anguish I went through to bring her into the world was enough to convince me that it would never be possible for me not to want her in my life – I was wrong.

Beating the dough harder, I thought of all the things I would like to say to her, but I knew she was probably not ready to hear any of them.

She loves confrontation and arguing, and she is very good at it.  Me – not so much.  It takes me back to when I was married to her father.
 
He was a jealous, controlling, abusive man.  I never knew what was going to set him off, so I worked very hard to avoid doing anything that I thought might upset him. 

The truth is, he never needed a reason.  He was so angry that he had been forced to marry me and blamed me for ruining his life.   
 
His mother was a kind and loving woman and I clung to her for whatever comfort I could find.

My mother was so disappointed in me that we barely spoke.  She lived close by but rarely came to visit.

Now, I felt the same judgement and coldness from my own daughter. 

I sent a message back that I could talk between 12:00 – 12:30, during my lunch break if that was a good time for her.  I thought setting a time limit would help to keep the conversation from going off the rails.

What I didn’t want was to cause any additional injury to this already damaged relationship.

It was 12:20 when she rang.  I was nervous but decided I would stick to my timeframe.  I began by telling her, I only had 10 minutes to talk so she would know that I needed to keep our conversation short.

She was calling to ask, in the event of my death, what my final wishes were.  A friend’s mother had passed unexpectedly, and she realized that she had no idea what I would want.
 
It was all very matter-of-fact and detached.  She went on to say that as the eldest, she expected to have to make some of those decisions.  I was taken aback, especially considering the current state of our relationship, and very happy that I had set the time limit.

She always has a way of catching me off guard and then when she doesn’t like my response an argument ensues. 

With less than 5 minutes left, I was able to think of the most appropriate response without getting emotional. 

I told her I had already taken care of my will and legal power of attorney in the event of any incapacity or death and would send her a copy.

Mercifully, the timer for my bread went off and our time was up.

I ended the call by telling her that I loved her and the children.  Honest, civil, and respectful.  I felt relieved and grateful that we could even speak for a few minutes without upsetting each other.

Just like not letting the bread dough rise too long, setting that simple boundary produced a better outcome that we have had in years.

Going forward, I will do more of this to maintain peacefulness in my life.
 
What have you learned late in life that has served you well?  Were there interpersonal relationships that felt out of control that you wish you could change?  Share your stories with the community!

Tuesday, January 24, 2023

Amazon eBooks

 

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Saturday, January 14, 2023

Begin Again

Today I will start anew.  

Full of love and hope for a better tomorrow.  

A day that will bring justice and equality for all.  

A new beginning for a future we can all believe in. 


The Beginning – 
As I begin this journey of mine,
I will loosen my laces and remove my boots,
to protect me from absolutely nothing.
Crossing over into a world of color.
 - Michele Ledoux

Friday, January 13, 2023

Rollercoasters

I used to love to ride Rollercoasters, with all of the drama and excitement it felt like my life playing out at the amusement park.  

The never-ending series of ups and downs and twists and turns that left me dizzy from all the motion. 

Now, I prefer a peaceful ride on the Ferris Wheel, still moving but at a lovely pace and away from the chaos. 

Thursday, January 12, 2023

Set Your Intention

I have learned that I must set an intention for what I want in my life, right now and in the future. 

This is not about wishing and hoping for something that is out of my control.  

I have the ability to focus my thoughts and energy in a way that moves me closer to my desire.   


Wednesday, January 11, 2023

Wanderlust

There is nothing that spurs my wanderlust more than not being able to travel. 

I love being free to just pick up and go whenever I want.

This year will prove to be a little tricker, but I have no doubt I will manage to make it happen.

My list of the yet to be discovered is growing by the day and I can't wait to explore those fantastic new horizons!



Tuesday, January 10, 2023

Pure Silence

There have only been a few times in my life that I have experienced true peace and tranquility.  

The first time I really noticed it was while paragliding in Mexico.  I was a little nervous at first but when the wind caught the chute and took me up into the air, all my fear faded away.  

I was overcome with the beauty and silence as I floated above the water.