Opportunities

The great American anthropologist Margaret Mead said, “We are continually faced with great opportunities which are brilliantly disguised as unsolvable problems.”

That is the philosophy that I embraced as a child. From a very early age I understood that even if they were less desirable, there were always options.

Whenever I find myself feeling limited or restricted, I think back to some of the defining moments in my life. 

During those times I needed so desperately to have some hope of escaping what was happening that I would create every possible scenario I could think of. 

Truly, some were very unrealistic, but it did not matter, everything got equal consideration.

Then I would sort out what seemed to be the most reasonable course of action and always trusted my heart to guide me.  I knew how I was feeling could not be wrong. 

That brought me to where I am today, trusting and believing that anything and everything is possible.

Happy Accidents

I've written about this many times before, but it is something I appreciate even more as time goes on.

I absolutely believe that what seems to be a bad experience can truly be a blessing in disguise or what I like to call a happy accident.  

This year has been full of opportunities to find the good in even the most trying of circumstances.

Everything from having a serious health condition discovered during a hospital visit for something completely unrelated, to a severe hailstorm that uncovered a much larger issue with my roof.  Both of which can now be easily managed and/or resolved without further damage.

Honestly, when things like that first occur, I feel frustrated and vulnerable.  But as soon as I can begin to look at the situation a little differently, I can see that there is a positive aspect to whatever has happened.  

Not only does it make me feel better, but the solution comes much quicker.  I often forget that the best answer will present itself when I can release the negativity that I am feeling.

Somehow, it is easier to think of the worst-case scenario instead of letting the universe surprise and delight me.  

Albert Einstein said it best - "There are only two ways to live your life.  One is as though nothing is a miracle.  The other is as though everything is a miracle."  

Gratitude and Appreciation

We've all heard it many times and many different ways during our lives. Count your blessings, give thanks, feel lucky for what you have, think of people who don’t have as much.  We understand the words, but seldom do we stop to think what they really mean.   

I'm not sure exactly when it occurred to me, but one day, I began to really understand what it means to be truly grateful.  Not just for the good things but for everything. 

When I started looking at my life in a new way it was very revealing.  As much as I thought I had been a grateful person, I realized I had been taking a lot for granted.  Not just the big things, but all of the small, seeming insignificant things that make up my life.

I started focusing on very specific things to appreciate, like my morning cup of coffee.  I wondered, what did it take for me to enjoy that simple pleasure?  

It had to be grown, picked, processed, distributed etc. by others who made it possible for me to sit at my kitchen table with little to no effort on my part.

Pouring a glass of clean water, sleeping in a comfortable bed, turning on the lights - the list goes on forever.  There is so much to appreciate and be grateful for.

What about when things go wrong?

The big shift occurred for me when I began to see problems as opportunities.  Something that would have upset me in the past, like an issue at work or something going wrong with my vehicle, became a challenge for me to find the best in the situation.

This was when I had to be more general and not so specific.  I was happy to have a job or a car, I felt fortunate to have the resources and ability to figure it out.  

I applied this philosophy to everything I could think of.  If it was a good experience, I thought about how much I appreciated having it.  When it didn’t feel so good, I thought about how grateful I was for the lesson and what positive aspects of it I could find. 

In the beginning it was a little difficult to always find the silver lining but with practice it became easier, and I’ve learned that even when I slip back into my old habits, I can quickly recover by simply remembering all that I have to be grateful for. 

Keep Your Head Low

We are bombarded with negative sights, sounds and images at an alarming rate.  This definitely falls under the category of easier said than done, but it is critical to find a way to navigate through this minefield.

Avoid being in the line of fire as much as possible.

If we can try to minimize, or at least limit, some of our exposure to those outside influences we will have a much better chance at keeping our thoughts in a better feeling place.

Excerpt from - Keep Your Vibration High and Your Head Low 

Available on Amazon.com

It's the Little Things

I have been traveling for 6 months now and I am always amazed and delighted by the wonderful people that I meet along the way.  

Today as I went out for a few errands, I encountered many who were just going about their day.  Most were in a rush and not particularly pleasant, one was very rude.

When I arrived back at the hotel, I asked the housekeeper for some coffee to take back to my room.  She was so helpful and polite I wanted to give her a small tip.  

Inadvertently, instead of giving her two single dollars, I gave her a twenty-dollar bill and a single.  

I paused for a moment before realizing that not only did she deserve it, but I hoped it would be a nice surprise when she sees it later.

Here in the US, wages for service workers are abysmally low.  Honestly, anyone who will clean up after me deserves more than I can give them.

I hope she remembers the gesture but not my room, I want her to be able to accept this very small token of my appreciation for all that she does.

30 Day Reboot

It’s that time of year again.  The time when I begin to feel a bit restless and in need of a change.  I don’t feel stuck, just a little less interested in my usual routine.

Time passes so quickly that I forget to stop and reassess where I want to be.  All of those things that I thought about doing so many months ago, but never did, now don’t feel so important or interesting.

Being retired, I don’t have the commitment of work and yet my life is full and busy and for that I am grateful.  Now, I am ready for something new.

Time for a Change

I have to be careful when I’m feeling this way as I have a tendency to make radical changes, like moving houses or even leaving the country.  I don’t need to go to that extent if I can just find some new ways to revitalize my outlook.

What I have learned is that all change actually happens from within and that is where I need to start.  So, I have created a personal challenge that will help me to reset my perspective and allow some fresh ideas to surface.

Be Easy About It

What I am looking for is a gentle shift, not a huge leap.  Some way of opening up to some new things without having to throw out the old. 

One thing I will do more of is meditate.  Spending just 10 minutes a day, sitting quietly is so simple that I forget how much power there is in reconnecting with my spirit.

When I do that, it seems that I feel lighter, and more creative ideas come to me. 

Do What You Love

Something that never fails to soothe my soul is to go out in nature.  No matter what the weather is, I always love just walking in a park.  I go during off hours so I can be alone and just experience the peace.

 
This year, I started a small vegetable garden.  It has been so satisfying to care for the plants and watch them grow.  It is a lovely reminder of the cycle of life.

Have Fun

Part of the process for me is to remember to have more fun.  I have always been a very serious person so light-hearted fun is pure joy when I can let myself feel it.

Over the years, I have found that I enjoy many things but don’t often incorporate them into my daily life. 

Whether it is turning up the music and dancing while I’m cleaning house or cooking some new exotic dish, it doesn’t matter.  Just being playful is key to feeling happy.
 
Minimize Negative Influence

It is helpful for me to reduce outside interference in order to make sustainable changes. 

The big one for me is my phone.  I live alone so it is easy for that to be my biggest connection with the outside world, but it has become less of a tool for communicating and more of a time warp of senseless activity.  I catch myself scrolling through a flood of information that I don’t want or need in my life.

I remember when a phone was just a phone, not a mini-computer.

Television is another intrusion that I allow far too often.  I don’t need the constant input of bad news and excessive advertising. 

Maximize the Positive

It is easy to go through the day without stopping to think about how I am really feeling.  Every day there is an opportunity for me to look for the best things in the world around me. 

Something as simple as a friendly check-out clerk at the store or a lovely yellow butterfly on the bush in my yard.  Life is as wonderful as we let it be.

Many years ago, Bing Crosby sang “Accentuate the Positive – Eliminate the Negative”, that is my new mantra.

I can’t wait to see what delightful things I will discover on this new journey.
 
Do you feel a need for change at different times of the year?  What do you do when you are craving something new?  Share your stories and join the conversation.

Published on Published on Sixty and Me

Baking Bread and Setting Boundaries

I was grateful to be in the process of making bread when I received her text message.  She wanted to talk.  What about?  I had no idea, and after a year of not speaking, I felt sick to my stomach even thinking about it.

Kneading the dough, squishing, and pounding helped to relieve a little of the anxiety I was feeling about even hearing her voice.

 
Our last conversation had disintegrated into a full nuclear meltdown.  Full of so much ugliness and rage that I had no desire to speak to her and honestly did not know when I would.

She is my 50-year-old daughter, born when I was just 15 years old.  The amount of pain and anguish I went through to bring her into the world was enough to convince me that it would never be possible for me not to want her in my life – I was wrong.

Beating the dough harder, I thought of all the things I would like to say to her, but I knew she was probably not ready to hear any of them.

She loves confrontation and arguing, and she is very good at it.  Me – not so much.  It takes me back to when I was married to her father.

 
He was a jealous, controlling, abusive man.  I never knew what was going to set him off, so I worked very hard to avoid doing anything that I thought might upset him. 

The truth is, he never needed a reason.  He was so angry that he had been forced to marry me and blamed me for ruining his life.   

 
His mother was a kind and loving woman and I clung to her for whatever comfort I could find.

My mother was so disappointed in me that we barely spoke.  She lived close by but rarely came to visit.

Now, I felt the same judgement and coldness from my own daughter. 

I sent a message back that I could talk between 12:00 – 12:30, during my lunch break if that was a good time for her.  I thought setting a time limit would help to keep the conversation from going off the rails.

What I didn’t want was to cause any additional injury to this already damaged relationship.

It was 12:20 when she rang.  I was nervous but decided I would stick to my timeframe.  I began by telling her, I only had 10 minutes to talk so she would know that I needed to keep our conversation short.

She was calling to ask, in the event of my death, what my final wishes were.  A friend’s mother had passed unexpectedly, and she realized that she had no idea what I would want.

 
It was all very matter-of-fact and detached.  She went on to say that as the eldest, she expected to have to make some of those decisions.  I was taken aback, especially considering the current state of our relationship, and very happy that I had set the time limit.

She always has a way of catching me off guard and then when she doesn’t like my response an argument ensues. 

With less than 5 minutes left, I was able to think of the most appropriate response without getting emotional. 

I told her I had already taken care of my will and legal power of attorney in the event of any incapacity or death and would send her a copy.

Mercifully, the timer for my bread went off and our time was up.

I ended the call by telling her that I loved her and the children.  Honest, civil, and respectful.  I felt relieved and grateful that we could even speak for a few minutes without upsetting each other.

Just like not letting the bread dough rise too long, setting that simple boundary produced a better outcome that we have had in years.

Going forward, I will do more of this to maintain peacefulness in my life.
 
What have you learned late in life that has served you well?  Were there interpersonal relationships that felt out of control that you wish you could change?  Share your stories with the community!