Finding Peace in the Pause After Cancer

 A year ago, my life was very different.
 
I was still recovering from a previous Covid-19 infection and being treated for the atrial fibrillation it had caused.
 
I was looking forward to my follow-up appointments with my doctors, hoping to discuss ways to improve my quality of life and, perhaps, discontinue the medication that had caused me serious side effects.
 
After my check-up, the cardiologist agreed to let me stop the medication—pending one final test to confirm that there were no other heart-related issues.
 
That test turned out to be the one that literally saved my life.
 
It wasn’t my heart, but a small nodule on my lung that looked suspicious. That’s when the journey truly began.
 
After a series of additional tests and biopsies, I was diagnosed with lung cancer. Because it was detected so early, the doctor was optimistic—it was operable, and we would "treat to cure."
 
Those words resonated deeply with my daughter, who was with me at the appointment at the cancer center. 
 
In the days that followed, she continued to remind me of what the doctor had said. It hadn’t fully sunk in for me yet. I was still reeling from the news that I had cancer, overwhelmed with the memory of my own mother, who had passed away years earlier from the same disease.
 
What ensued can only be described as stepping into a hurricane—a force of activity, both physical and emotional, that pushed me forward through this process.
 
Now, just a few months later, here I sit.  Cancer free, contemplating what my new life will look like.
 
Part of me feels like I should get back to my life, but there is no going back to “normal”—not after going through that experience.
 
So now, I need to decide what I do want to do next. My instinct is to shift gears and move forward into something new as soon as possible.
 
The challenge is to just take a break and breathe. To actually take the time to feel and process all that has happened in such a short amount of time. To let what comes unfold organically and not try to rush through this.
 
Right now, I am trying to find peace in the pause.
 
 
 
 

How Covid Saved My Life

 Day 1:
 
When I first received the news that I had lung cancer, I felt very sad. After several tests, we suspected it was probable, but I had remained hopeful that it could still be benign. Now I had the answer.
 
Just hearing the word malignant is scary enough, but then you must accept that you have just been diagnosed with cancer.
 
As tears ran down my face, I quickly had to pull myself together. I needed to tell my daughter.
 
She is the one who has been by my side, giving me such beautiful love and support, and she will continue to be with me throughout this journey. The comfort of that is truly immeasurable.
 
As we talked and cried, a strange calm came over me. I wasn’t trying to be strong or brave—I just felt a sense of peace.
 
Maybe it was the first stage of grief that everyone speaks of—denial. But somehow, I felt like everything was going to be okay.
 
Day 2:
 
I wasn’t sure how I would feel this morning, but I actually slept very well—better than usual, which really surprised me. I always gauge my true feelings about something by how I sleep.
 
I’m very superstitious that way—if I have a major decision to make, like buying a car or a house, or attending a particular event, I always trust my instincts and follow the old adage: just sleep on it.

Any concerns or misgivings I may have tend to surface as bad dreams or restless anxiety throughout the night.
 
I woke feeling refreshed and ready to move forward with the rest of my life—somehow freer than I have ever felt before.
 
Day 3:
 
Today feels different. I didn’t sleep as well as the night before, and I woke up thinking about my daughters, which brought me to tears.
 
I suppose this is part of the process in this new journey. I need to give myself grace to feel whatever I am feeling.
 
Day 4:
 
Another bright and beautiful day. My outlook remains optimistic, and I am truly grateful for that.
 
Having my daughter’s incredible support means the world to me, even as I know she is struggling to control her emotions so she can stay strong for me.
 
This situation has brought up many painful memories. We lost my mother to the same condition at the same age over 30 years ago.
 
The most positive aspect is that we caught this early enough for treatment, making a cure a very real possibility.
 
How we even found this out is an interesting story. Last year, after being hospitalized with a severe Covid-19 infection, I was diagnosed with Atrial Fibrillation —a heart condition I had never had before.

As a result, I was prescribed medication. After a year of being symptom-free, I asked my doctor if he would consider taking me off the medication.
 
He agreed but requested that I undergo one more test to check for any heart-related issues.
 
That test revealed a non-coronary finding: a lung nodule that had been seen during my Covid episode but had not resolved and had grown.
 
That is how this journey began. Since then, it has been a whirlwind of tests and appointments—so much so that I have barely had time to really think about what is happening. That is helping to keep my spirits high.
 
Day 5:
 
Today, I woke up a little early, thinking about one of my last tests before meeting with the doctors next week. I am looking forward to getting this done—I am even a little excited.
 
I am staying focused on the exceptional care I’m receiving from the hospital, as well as the personal support from my precious daughter.
 
There are moments when I slip into that dark place and think about what this all means. I let myself feel it, but then I shift gears or distract myself until I return to the reassuring thought that everything will work out.
 
Day 6:
 
Today, the reality of my situation really sank in when I received the results from my test yesterday. It’s one of those moments where I’m grateful not to have had too much information beforehand.
 
Fortunately, the results appear to be good, but I’ll know more when I meet with the doctors next week. We’ll discuss all the tests and decide on a treatment plan.
 
For now, I’ll focus on resting and keeping myself busy, trying not to dwell on what I don’t know yet.
 
I have so much to be grateful for, which makes it easier to focus on all the wonderful things in my life.
 
Day 7:
 
Today is an emotional, weepy kind of day. I’m working on completing my will and last wishes for my family, and it truly feels like an emotional landmine. I really have to pace myself and take breaks when I start feeling overwhelmed.
 
So far, I have been fairly stable. I do have occasional bouts of sadness, but overall, I feel like I have been coping pretty well.
 
I am looking forward to meeting with the doctors tomorrow to discuss my treatment plan and prognosis moving forward.
 
Six Months later…
 
Today marks six months since my diagnosis. To say it has been a long, strange journey is an understatement—but it has led to the best possible outcome.
 
After undergoing surgery to remove the tumor, I am now cancer-free.
 
If not for the early screening that detected the cancer, this could have been a very different story.
 
I can truly say that having Covid-19 saved my life.
 
My deepest gratitude goes to the incredible providers who gave me outstanding care with kindness and compassion.
 
And most of all, to my precious daughter—who walked through this with me, side by side, laughing, crying, and everything in between—thank you from the bottom of my heart for being such a beautiful gift in my life.
 
Through it all, I have learned to embrace gratitude, trust in the process, and focus on what truly matters.
 
The love and support of those around us, the strength we discover within ourselves, and the unexpected twists of fate can all lead to something greater than we ever imagined.
 
And always, even in uncertainty, there is hope.
 
Have you ever faced a medical crisis or critical diagnosis? How did you cope? Did you receive the support you needed? Please share your stories and experiences.

Published on Sixty and Me
 

Clearing

It is Springtime in the Rockies and every year around this time I am filled with excitement and anticipation. I can feel the energy of new life making its way toward the warmth and sunshine. Native Americans called it the "Quickening" that time when life stirs just before birth.

This is when I begin my clearing to make room for what is to come. Mentally, physically and spiritually cleaning house, preparing for that wondrous new growth.

It is time to sort through everything that has been carefully stored away. I must bless and release those thoughts and things that hold me in the past so I can continue on my journey.

Give Peace a Chance

Today is the 44th anniversary of John Lennon’s death.  It's hard to believe that so much time has passed and how much has happened.

I was 24 and remember vividly the cold December day that it happened.  It sent shock waves through my family.  

It was 1980 and as I walked through my neighborhood, there was a large poster hung on a front porch, trimmed with Christmas lights, sharing John’s message “Give Peace a Chance”.

Women's Rights in America

Throughout my life, I have witnessed what I believed to be the dawn of true equality for women.

However, my hope turned into disillusionment when I realized what a slow and painful path it would be. For every step forward, it often felt like we took three steps back.

Now, in 2024, we find ourselves at another pivotal moment. Our reproductive freedoms have been rolled back by more than 50 years, reminding us that the fight for equality is far from over. 

It’s a painful reminder that our progress is fragile and that we must never give up our pursuit of what is rightfully ours - the Right to Choose!

My Choice

This story begins in early 1971. The Vietnam War raged on, while the Civil Rights and Women’s Liberation movements continued their fight against long-standing inequities in the United States.

Unmarried women faced significant discrimination when trying to sign contracts or purchase property on their own. Abortion was not yet legal except under very specific circumstances for adult women and not at all for minors without parental consent.

At 15 years old, I found myself pregnant and being driven to the doctor by my boyfriend for an abortion. He said this doctor would perform the procedure without my mother’s permission, but I had to convince him that I was mentally stable enough to make this decision on my own.

I was terrified and did not want an abortion. As I sat in the room, trying to cover myself with the thin paper gown, I desperately tried to think of something I could say to make the doctor refuse to perform the procedure.

After an emotionless discussion and a very cold examination, the doctor told me to get dressed and left the room.

A few minutes later, he returned. Speaking in the same flat tone, he said, “I’m sorry, but you’re too far along for an abortion.”

I was overwhelmed with joy and immediately began to cry. I now had to tell my boyfriend, who was waiting in the car. Knowing he would be furious, I let him believe that my tears were because we couldn’t go through with it.

A few months later, my daughter was born, marking the beginning of my new life as a mother.

Now, 53 years later, the issue of abortion and women’s reproductive rights is once again facing restrictions and is at risk of being subjected to increased government control.

In 1971, I had no choice. If I had not been six months pregnant, that doctor would have proceeded with the abortion, illegally and against my wishes.

Implementing and upholding laws that protect women's rights is essential for safeguarding our fundamental freedoms and opportunities. It empowers us to make autonomous decisions about our lives and our bodies.

The choice must always be ours.

Don’t Wait Until You Need To, To Get Your Affairs in Order

After some significant events this past year, I realized that I have seriously neglected one of the most important responsibilities I have to my family - estate planning.
 
Over the years, I’ve created a rough draft of my will, gathered a few documents, and designated beneficiaries for accounts where required. However, there’s no comprehensive compilation that would truly assist my family in the event of my incapacity or death.
 
I know firsthand how painful and difficult it is to manage someone’s affairs while grieving their passing. I don’t want to put my family through that.
 
Now, after a not-so-subtle nudge from the universe, and in the hope of not needing it for a very long time, I’ve decided to finally bring all those bits and pieces together. 

           

I began with the most manageable and least emotional aspects of the process—household and financial information. I considered what details would be necessary if someone other than my family needed to handle these arrangements.
 
This approach not only kept it from feeling too personal but also helped me be more thorough in listing the details.
 
Using documents I already had for bank accounts, investments, property details, and more, I created a single spreadsheet to consolidate the information.
 
After several hours, I realized how crucial this document would be and how much time it was actually going to take.
 
At first, it was overwhelming, but it emphasized how critical it is for me to complete this task and keep it up to date. 

I thought, if it was this difficult for me to organize all this information when I know it, how much harder would it be for my family to sort it out after I’m gone?
 
After two weeks, I finally have what I believe will be a workable document that my family can easily access to manage all the details they will need.
 
These are the five categories I felt were most relevant, although I keep thinking of additional details to include:
 

• Identification: Name, DOB, Social Security, Passport, Next of Kin

• Household: Property, Utilities, Mail/PO Box, Storage

• Financial: Bank/Retirement/Credit Accounts, Tax Accountant

• Medical: Doctors/Hospitals, Medication, Organ Donation

• Personal: Social Media and Email Accounts

 
In addition to the spreadsheet, I have the following documents:
 

• Will

• Financial and Medical Power of Attorney

• Living Will or Advance Directive

• Letter of Intent and Last Wishes

 
I understand that laws in the U.S. vary by state, so I will have these documents reviewed by an estate attorney and discuss them with my family.
 
While I won’t be here to comfort them in their grief, I want to relieve them of the additional burden of sorting through the details of my life.
 
For me, preparing these documents is an act of love and responsibility.
 
By organizing everything now, I hope to make things a bit easier for my family during a difficult time, so they can focus on cherishing memories rather than dealing with the details.
 
It’s my way of helping them through a tough moment and ensuring my wishes are clear and manageable.
 
Have you done your estate planning?  What part of this experience is the most difficult?  Share your thoughts and comments!

Published on - Sixty and Me