How will I let you go..

As we said goodbye, you stroked my face tenderly and asked "how will I let you go?".  We were both overcome with emotion, knowing that I could not stay.  I was from the U.S. and unless I could get a work permit I would not be able to remain in the country.  It had been a fantastic year, meeting and falling in love in a way that I never imagined, especially in my 50s. 

Now, fast forward 10 years and all of the emotion of that time welling up inside of me as I get ready to see you again.  Would I feel the same, would there be any connection at all... so many questions until I saw you.  Waving at me from across the lobby, it was as if no time had passed.  With the same sweet smile, you stood and put your arms around me and I felt that I was home again.
I didn't realize it at the time but you were saying goodbye, you had given up on any possibility of a future together and now it was over.

After loving you all of these years, I have to ask "how will I let you go?".  All I know is that I must.  It is time for this chapter to end and another to begin.  What we did have was perfect and beautiful and can't be tarnished by time or reality but now it's time for something new.  Love that is fresh and alive with optimism for the future.  I'm not ready to give up on what we began but I can't have it with you.  What I learned from you was that great love comes when you least expect it but you must be open in order to have it.  Thank you so much for the lovely lesson and setting me free to love again.

New Beginnings

I felt something coming, that sense that what I was about to do would bring something new but I did not expect it to be so drastic.  I hadn't done anything out of the ordinary, it was a simple trip to visit friends and evolved into something much more.

It was almost like visiting my childhood home, going back to a place I had lived when I was young and innocent.  The people and places were the same but it felt so foreign to me.  The harder I looked for that old sense of belonging the more distant and isolated I felt.

I usually embrace change as a wonderful aspect of life, the evolution that is so vital to growth and expansion.  But this was so unexpected, for something that has been such a constant in my life to suddenly feel so unfamiliar really caught me off guard. 

Now I am coming to terms with what this means for my life going forward.  What I thought I was moving toward has changed and now it is time for me to allow something new to begin.

My Nature

As I've gotten older I have come to appreciate my own true nature.  Not what others want me to be but who I really am.  I suppose it has taken me longer than most to realize but I think I'm getting close. 

At least now I know when something is contrary to my true self and trust when I know something is right for me. 

Comfort or Contrast

Contrast is such a gentle word for the challenges we go through in our lives but it is such a worthwhile journey.

Every time I find myself in a difficult or unpleasant situation I remember to be grateful for the lesson and appreciate the contrast of life because it forces me out of my comfort zone and on to something better!

Close your eyes - Where do you want to go

If I asked you to close your eyes and picture the most beautiful, serene place in the world, what would you see.  Would it be a tropical white sand beach with warm waves splashing on your feet, or perhaps a dense rainforest lush and full of life, maybe it's a gorgeous mountain meadow with the sun softly shining down or rolling green hills as far as the eye can see.

If you can see it, smell it and touch it in your mind you can be there.  If you can capture the essence of that place and how you will feel, it will be yours as surely as if you were standing there.

Mom, Margaret and Country Music

I will never forget the Saturday nights we spent with my mom's friend Margaret and her family.  Usually, the adults were playing cards, drinking with country music blaring on the record player.  Sometimes we would all dance together in the living room or watch Porter Wagoner and Dolly Parton on the small black and white television.

I can't hear Hank Williams, Patsy Cline or any of the legends without remembering just how it felt to be that small, shy little girl getting her first glimpse of a very grown-up world.... 

Unconditional Love

When I spend time with my beautiful grandchildren I learn the true meaning of unconditional love.  To experience that pure, limitless affection fills my heart with unspeakable joy. 

We have a special routine in the morning where they climb into my bed and we cuddle and talk until it's time to get up.  These are the most precious moments of all. 

I have struggled with low self esteem most of my life but to see myself through their innocent and loving eyes makes me feel like the most adored person in the world!